I’m not ready to enter JC. I’m not.

Why do you even bother?

Finally, a sigh of relief, as everything turned out reasonably fine in the end. Nothing too fantastic, but a vast improvement over the dismal depths I was stuck in.

Now, just three two obstacles left to overcome!

(1) Chinese Os!
(2) Humanes Programme Application!
(3) Deciding what to wear for Grad Night

Shut up Mush, don’t laugh.

我想把六色彩虹印在给你的信封
一封封我都寄到叫做牵挂的邮筒

Old songs do make me feel nostalgic (:

☆KreeAter☆ hardboiled/softcore says: (8:06:57 PM)
it rhymes
☆KreeAter☆ hardboiled/softcore says: (8:06:58 PM)
thats awesome
jeremy says: (8:07:04 PM)

☆KreeAter☆ hardboiled/softcore says: (8:07:23 PM)
a monster rabbit
☆KreeAter☆ hardboiled/softcore says: (8:07:31 PM)
ate the nun’s habit
☆KreeAter☆ hardboiled/softcore says: (8:07:47 PM)
so she said ‘dammit’
jeremy says: (8:08:05 PM)
the rhyme was intentional, wasnt it?
☆KreeAter☆ hardboiled/softcore says: (8:08:13 PM)
nah, that was shit
jeremy says: (8:08:34 PM)
a bit
☆KreeAter☆ hardboiled/softcore says: (8:08:53 PM)
daron is a git
daron. says: (8:08:54 PM)
o_O
daron. says: (8:09:01 PM)
i am having fits.
daron. says: (8:09:10 PM)
and we’re taking lit!
daron. says: (8:09:13 PM)
woohoo!
jeremy says: (8:09:20 PM)
imma frog, ribbit!
☆KreeAter☆ hardboiled/softcore says: (8:09:22 PM)
COMBO BREAKER DDD:
daron. says: (8:09:24 PM)
shit.

Cue honest post, I think maybe it’s time for some reflection behind all the superficial smiles and laughter.

I guess Friday wasn’t such a bad day, amidst all the anticipation and frenzy. What I was looking for on Friday was reassurance, some form of recognition that I had not wasted my four years in RI only to lose track of what I want, and that what I used to be able to do was a reality and not just a memory.

I suppose my chances now are pretty good, however desperate I may sound, considering that the results that came back were pretty okay. There wasn’t much I could have done to salvage my grades considering they were already originally within mid ranges, but I guess I did fine.

Now for Monday: I suspect I’d need my glasses, again. I don’t want to imagine how bad my scores will be, but yet somehow I feel excited and just want to get it over and done with.

5 days till it’s all over, 9 days till we leave for good. And it just feels so surreal. I never really anticipated the day I’d leave RI, it just seems like I’ve become so attached to this school, as much as we complain about it, that I don’t know if I want to go over to RJC (Or RI(JC), whatever, I honestly don’t care). Has my four years in RI been worth it? Have I really made my mark?

I wasted the first three years of my Rafflesian life struggling to find a foothold of what I am, what I can do. I struggled a lot this year, especially, and things never went the way they were supposed to go. Gold for SYF should have never happened, the cancellation of our Sydney trip should have never happened, H1N1 should have never happened, the cancellation of our DI trip to Tennessee should have never happened, my results dropping to an all-time low should have never happened, but it did.

I suppose I told myself that these things happen for a reason: because I didn’t work hard enough, because I didn’t deserve what was given to me. I simply was not good enough, and that would be reasoning enough for me to improve.

But did I? I still struggle with that question. I needed to find a direction to head towards, and I lost so many directions and signboards this year, but I’m still moving, moving towards a destination that I’ve yet to discover.

I just want to make up for the mistakes that I’ve made. I hate excuses.

Wesley says: (10:42:12 PM)
what’s a tranny
daron. says: (10:42:14 PM)
uh.
daron. says: (10:42:26 PM)
不男不女不三不四！
Wesley says: (10:42:47 PM)
oh noes
Wesley says: (10:42:52 PM)
does that mean im 3/4 tranny
Wesley says: (10:42:57 PM)
since i fulfil 3 of those criteria
Wesley says: (10:43:03 PM)
i know im definitely not 3 or 4
Wesley says: (10:43:05 PM)
and im not a girl either
Wesley says: (10:43:08 PM)
im a guy
Wesley says: (10:43:09 PM)
OH NOES

On a side note, getting back papers tomorrow. Let’s see how it goes. ):

(Whilst playing Pokemon TCG)
Jeremy: Sleep Powder! Kingdra sleeps.
Daron: (Mutters) Kingdra, stop sleeping around.
Jeremy: Who wants to sleep around with Kingdra?!
Daron: … QUEENdra?

Okay, so I wrote Ernst Rohm as Ernest Rohm.

Okay, so I completely forgot what happened in the Night of the Long Knives.

Okay, so I wrote way less than “16 pages only!”.

Okay, so I’m completely prepared to fail my Math 1 AND 2 tomorrow.

Okay, life sucks.

(I thought we came to that conclusion a long time ago!)

Playing brainless music helps me focus for some reason.

1, 2, 3, not only you and me~

Okay I frustrate myself so much when the things that used to come so easily to me slip my grasp. I’m not entirely sure of my strengths, whether I really have the capability to do what I used to be good at, or whether it’s all just latent potential.

Humanities, come on. Let me regain some of my confidence.

5 PAPERS, HERE I COME.